it is alrdy 20th of dec...
which means less than 2 weeks time...sch gonna start soon...
yet i have not even started on any homework yet! =.=

i duno why....
suddenly..i lost confidence in myself.
nothing seems to be going on successfully?
it just 2 months++ away...or rather 70++ days to comp....
yet i duno whether are we improving or even deproving?
was talking to sumo and cp last few days about our trainings...

im not very sure whether are we just thinking too much or issit becoz of other stuffs? O.o
in terms of first aid and footdrill...we can actually see whether are we improving or have we made any mistakes...
then for homenursing, whenever we do case...it's a repeat of everything over and over again?
like what cp say...going for comp....it is just like gambling..it is whether a win or a lose.
for fa n footdrill..we know what we are betting on....and we know what's the end results..whether issit gd or bad...
instead for homenursing...we are basically betting everything on it...and we will never know whether issit a win or a lose...
i really duno how...

after going for 2 years...actually im basically numb....
i mentioned before in my previous post tt i cried during footdrill on friday's training
den during lunch break..i actually wrote a "long" chinese essay.....
basically it is just how i felt la..

seriously..im not sure whether after i posted the "essay"...will it demoralise the rest of the NA anot...but i've to apologise for tt...

i alrdy have not much energy to carry on anymore...problems and issues seems to be approaching non-stop....and i simply does not know how to handle with it....
i've lost confidence in myself...im not sure whether are we able to win this time round anot...
it is not tt i have no confidence in my NA....is just tt im really scared of it....or rather there's alrdy a phobia in me...i've total..100% confidence in my NA...is just tt i've lost trust in myself...
with the history repeating itself for the second time this year...i really cant imagine what would happen next year....

Will i smile/laugh IF we really WON?
Will i cry IF we really WON?
How would i react on that day IF we STILL LOST again?
these are the questions which always popped up in my mind these few days...

im just feeling very tired...
everyday just simply passed day by day...just with a blink of eyes
i just cant b bothered to think of other stuffs anymore...

sometimes...when im really frustrated...i asked myself some questions:
what is the reason that made me to go for comp.??
for the trophies? CAA?
really..these questions really popped up in my mind...
im still not very sure whether if we are still able to achieved a GOLD?
we might instead gotten a SILVER just because of 1 or 2 marks?
i've alrdy gone mad with just filling up the forms...
i duno how am i gonna continue on?

after posting so much stuffs....ppl might think that im just being emo...or whatsoever....
by all means...go ahead...i wun stop u....
it is my blog..im free to type and post anything i wish...
im just typing out my thoughts...