tmr is the day...wish me gd luck ppl...hehe...jkjk

hope everything goes well..=

2 more days...or rather to say...1 day bah...

luckily i didnt go "mad" today...if not i really cnt imagine wat will happen..=.=

everything gonna happen in 2 days...

just pray hard that things will go well bah....

i dun want to care anymore...

was listening "It's Alright" before i went to sleep ytd night..

i was thinking....by just saying 'it's alright' would solve the problems??..
i doubt so...

"i'll be there for you" who's that person who is there for me?
"tell me how you feel..." who is that "me" that i can tell how i feel
"take me to another place" where is that place? =.=
"believe in yourself" i hope to....but i just cant bring myself to do it...=.=

3 more days....

pictures of the day...=x

what is this!

tsk tsk tsk....today is alrdy 25 may liao...
another 4 days jiu.................liao...
which shall b the day i would be certified DEAD....=.=

hope that everyone is doing their work well bah.....=
everybody jy!

went for koto today....
had confidence in ard 36 qns?? who knows end up i fail..=.=....

btw...on the way.....zh say he saw lesbians...=.=...really and is like er....=.\

den on the way back....got a gal gal very cute...she put her fingers into her mouth....den her mama ask her to take out...but instead she went to suck every one of her fingers..=.=....and she suck until very happy...LOL....=.=...
den later on her mama turned the pram away....she even thought that her mama dun want her liao...den start crying liao...=x....

den still got one more gal gal...she kept looking at zh?? while zh say she's looking at me instead?? den zh kip "act cute" but she kept turned away...which made zh so disappointed..=x...so sad~~

reached home...very tired..=.=...fell asleep on the floor in the living room...=.=

had a dream...duno issit a gd thing? but i dun think it would happen in real life?
was having lots of fun wif .............??
if i didnt rmb wrongly...we were playing in duno where....den we kept laughing?
but i really did enjoy the time with him la..=)
*tt person posted smth similar in feb...*

there's no point for me to continue on... it's useless..

nomb....

none of my business

went to sch....talk talk....
and cuiping was going crazy when he came down..=x... LOL...

den er jie reached......sat outside the classrm...wait wait wait...
brought down gummy for them....and they end up turning round and turning round??=p....

mdm mathews say i quiet in class?? =.=...dun think so lo...
L1R4--13
L1R5--18.....

carried bags of clothings....

carried bags of tidbits...

i know those things above totally no link..=x...but too bad...hehe

hmm...today not much things happened?
stayed back to give the sec 2s briefing...den waited till 4++ to give the seniors consent forms.....

and cuiping,hanis and thahira tricked me..=x...bleah...almost let me run for nth..=p....

then went home lo...
tmr meet the parent session....wonder what cher will say?? O.o...

tmr has lots and lots of stuffs to do~~...

is alrdy the 22nd le...hmm...7 more days to go??

eeyer...tania bully me..=x...no la...
i very guaii de ok...and my nose didnt grow long hor...=x

and i also very _ _ _ e de....no need to act de..natural de...

so i shall act _ _ _ _ _ e in the day...and act _ _ _ e in the night..!!
and it is only for tania yeah!...haha...

didnt managed to post ytd...

i know is alrdy belated liao...but i still want to say...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFFREY! .... =p

today is just a normal sch day....abit sian..=.=..
was .......... in the class...nth could bring up my mood..=.=

tmr somehow last day of sch liao??...not happy abt it leh..=x...
aiya...suan le...

9 more days to go.......
i would rather i go crazy on the few days before.....than being mad on the actual itself...i'll go bonkers..=.=...so ppl...dun mind me..=x...jkjk

went out just nw...
got to know "stuffs"....

though it does not answer my question... but it really hurts...

i "hate" dirty work.... but no one likes it either..=.=

not i dun want to "perform"....is just tt i dun want to be accused of interfering their stuffs... and ppl wun think tt i find them _______ or watever things...
i dun care whether issit they sensitive anot....i dun care anymore... i had enough of everything...

i just hate the big big word....__________....

maybe after the event....i shall wash my hands off everything... byes..

ytd too tired le....fell asleep in the living room at around 9+pm....
den around 11.30pm went into the rm to sleep...

i had a bad dream ytd night....
i was crying when i was sleeping lo....i wake up le i still cry....
den ard 11am jiu wake up le...

watched tv till 1+pm....den went swimming wif er jie and gaston...
and i became the "powerful jiejie"...=x
was thinking about many many things la...
if troubles can just flow away off you just like water..won't it be good??
but afterall....it will still flow back to you isn't it?? haix....

came back....did nth..

haix...wonder how would it end up?? good?? failure?? i dun dare to predict or pin any hopes on it..=(.......
coz im really afraid....i dun wish to be disappointed anymore..
once bitten...forever frightened.....or rather being bitten twice?? =(...

11 more days...haix haix....

ya....back from camp le...
though i went for camp instead of activity...my heart was not at the camp lo...=.=

i shouldnt have chose to go down to take a look despite that we had only less than 10 mins break...and i was =.=..to know abt it...

btw..thanks jeffrey....sry to reply ur msg so late....

the camp was fun....but i duno how to describe??=x...chief mojo?? instructor blacky??..lol...and i wun forget the scene...where there's "dead chicken" flying around in the air...=p....and those small small balls which jiayee likes lots...hehe

really learnt many many things from the camp....they really seems to know what im thinking..=.=

maybe it may turn out to be "dirty work" to me....but it may not turn out to be the same to them..it is impossible to have everyone to understand each individuals....everyone has its own personality..

"be it you are the quiet type....or the noisy type...u are always a ________" quoted by instructor blacky..
maybe im the ______ one?...i duno...

tmr gonna be the last activity before june hols le...
heard that gavin is coming down?? i duno...
i hope things won't get worse....

woke up at 7++am to do e-learning...
den do till 10++ jiu continue to do S&D....and it took me abt 4-6 hrs to do??=x...wonder how long ben took?

went cwp to have lunch wif north pole...talked alot wif her...talked about many many things...and we waited for 3++ hrs?? =x...LOL...

things are almost done le??

the dream is really "scary" la...
i actually cried when i was reading the sms he sent me...=.\
shld i tell him?
would he blame me??

i dun understand why shld i did "that" in the first place....
and these is what i got?..

1 down....still got lots to go...=.=

there's no point figuring out who's at fault now...
it won't solve the problem...
the mark will still b there...

and ppl..if u didnt c me tmr...
the reason is not because i attitude or whatever...
is because stuffs are queuing up behind me...
it is impossible for me to leave them alone...and "enjoy" myself outside...
i may even show a "smelly" face...
so it is better not for me to show up...to prevent any other misunderstandings anymore...

and..thanks US...

thanks for cheering me up....
but i think it will only lasts for a while...
but nevertheless...thanks...dun bully me arh..

and...ni de pi shi chou dao~~~ =x

issit worth for me to do so??
or am i just wasting my time?
ppl may think tt there's no need for me to do that...even though im not going for it....

the route in front of me was so short...but i took ages to reached there...
so near yet so far
i've thought of many things on the way....
happy or sad? i duno..
it may b happy to others...but it is...???? to me...
i really cant imagine what would happen...

i tolerate till bed time ytd...as all of them were at home...i dun want them to see me sad...and still it was Mothers' Day...
"WHY?!" has always been the word i've been shouting ytd nite....
i wanted to scream out loud..but i couldn't..all of them were asleep..
the scenario was totally the same as last time...
i wanted to shout...but smth just keep holding me back...
even he cant do anything abt me...sry..

east pole...thanks for talking to me....
but it does not answer my question...
mayb no one in this world could give me the answer that i want..

i dun want it to b a failure...
i seriously dun want it to happen anymore..

thanks zhenghui....

i went to do smth just nw...
no one knew abt it...or rather only one person know it...
so what if they know abt it? does it make any difference?
they might think tt i find them useless or anything?

instead...i shld not go down at the very first place....it will b useless afterall...

he's online now....but busy...

im thinking whether should i bring up the matter to him...
seriously...i find that im really irresponsible...

why did i chose to back out even though i had decided to go for it again at the beginning??

though i really want to get back those "7" .....at that point of time...im very determined to do so....but still im afraid of history repeating....it has repeated once...i dun want it to happen again....

im really tired..on the way back today...i was thinking of whether to go for it anot...after receiving tt msg...i've made up my mind....

i don't want to get tt position just because im a whatever in comp or watsoever...
i dun want tt to b the reason for me to b in....
if that is the reason why im in...i would rather that i wun join in the very 1st place...

i want to know the true reason!!.. someone tell me!!

leave me alone....

sorry..
i had to take the step...
i know you all would hate me...
but i won't blame you...
you may scold...curse me or whatever behind my back...(or in front of me) as much as you can....

im forced to do so...
dun ask me why...there's a reason behind it..

**edited**
fyi...the step im refering to...is not the thing u are talking abt...
it is another matter.
no one knows abt it yet....and there's no point for me to tell the whole world abt it... mayb no one would care whether im still in it anot...
though ppl may think tt it is a very impt post...
but sry...i dun think so... the ppl in it might not think the same...
they might treat me as if im invisible....

what would happen if i were to say i don't want to join anymore?

things can never go back to the past anymore...
there's no way it can b resume to what it is like anymore...
no more...no more solutions...no matter what you can think of...it would never helps...so.... no use telling me all sorts of things...

so what if im recognised? be it by them or whoever?? i bet no one give it a damn...
they must be thinking "so what u got it?? are u fit to achieve that?? i can be better than you!"

me myself know that i does not have those qualities that mdm soh mentioned yesterday...but...
after yesterday...ppl must be thinking..."why they got 2?..while we only have 1?" lots of question marks in their mind....isn't it??
i bet so..

no matter what i do...it may appear that im putting a false front or whatever...i can never know what are they thinking...
as what i say...efforts are wasted...

can time just stop here?..

smile=) can no longer smile like what she does in the past

happywoman is no longer happy as what others thought

northpole and eastpole has lost its direction and does not know what to do

i maybe smiling on my face..but instead im crying in my heart...

how i wish i could dump everything aside...and dun bother it anymore!!...
though mye is ending tmr..but i dun think i'll be happy...
ppl can enjoy happily after their mye..but i doubt i can..

i just want to cry out my lungs..

there's no use for me to put in anymore efforts...
no one would appreciate...
even if i spent the night thinking of those stuffs undone instead of sleeping when there's still paper the next day....no one would care...
there's no purpose of me doing all those stuffs when no one is putting in their efforts..
what's the point?

maybe i shall go mia?? switch off my handphone?

tmr pls dun come....
coz im not happy at all...=.=

argh!..many things are going on all at the same time!...

first is mye....(but it's ending in 1 more day..^^)
den is ........ things are not really tt smooth siah..hope the schedule tt i've planned ytd nite can go on smoothly...

today is alrdy the 8th ppl!! just another 3 weeks time...
omg!..so many things undone..omg!!
i hope it wun b a disaster...commitee part is somehow 75% done?? just oni bits and pieces...=.=

the other side....omg! i really duno wat to say siah...time is really not on our side!.i really going bonkers liao arh!!..

someone help me!!

will post on friday??=x

went to make IC wif mama...
den went to makan...and we go walk walk around lo..

den went to shop find papa....or rather to ka-jiao him...hehe=x
spent almost half day there?? a little bored la...but too bad no ppl want to entertain me...=p..jkjk

den walked to uncle's hse.....sit a while...den walked back to shop again...=p....was enjoying my chocolate on the way there...hehe=p

went to aunt's hse to find ah ma....ah ma as usual very funny..."i no pocket..cnt anyhow stuff"(in chinese)....this was wat i said when ah ma trying to give me chocolate...=p...hehe

came back home..makan...do some stuffs here n there...den come and post lo..=x

lalala...i've been signing in and out several times today...=.=

im still wondering issit a gd or bad day for me today..=.=
fell down once when i was on my way to sch today tis morning..
had mt paper...i got no hopes on paper 2 alrdy..sian diao.=.=

lalala..went to room to take some stuffs jiu go home le.
slept..
wake up.
eat...
used comp...

boring right?

hope it shall be the final one=)....all the best ppl!!..jyjy!